today i became so present to being an aunt. it was pretty overwhelming and intense. here it is. i am sitting on the subway and I see a little boy (age 10-12) hanging otu with 16-18 year olds....there are about 4 16-18 year olds and no one is giving this little boy the time of day. to help you paint a picture of them. they are all "thugged' out...with hip hop music blaring (no jokes...they had a full boom box forget the ipod!) and this little boy had "please someone, pay attention to me" written clearly on his face. He was screaming for acceptance into this crowd. maybe one was a sibling, or these boyz are all this little boy needs. but you could see he would do anything for this group. and then here comes the thoughts, the tears and the heart ache.
in a flash, that boy became my nephew. and my heart ached. I started weeping on the subway....and not just little tears welling in the eyes, or even elephant tears fleeing from my eyes. I am talking about weeping. Full on weeping. I did get a few looks, but I couldn't help but thinking of my nephew and how I would do anything invested in me to make him feel accepted and loved. and hoped that he would never be in such desperation for attention or love. It was pretty intense. I called my sister immediately once i got off the subway, barely audible i retell the story. My sister was silent and then handed the phone to my nephew. He's such a good boy and I am over-whelmed with the amount of love i have for him. I am so present to our relationship.
odd how things like this happen.