amazing

people have made mention of growing out of old habits or ways. and I don't think i have quiet experienced it like others....until today.

I really get how an old way of being just doesn't work anymore. My old way of being....being silent. I sit back and watch things happen to friends, colleauges, loved ones....and am quiet often that person that gives advice, a good ear, i bend backwards for anyone at anytime. it's who i am. and I am sure it is why I am such a great friend, lover, colleauge, family member. however. if something is bothering me. or i dont' liek something. I sit back and am silent. I compromise who I am. for someone else. I just got how much I give and how much i recieve. it's wacked out of balance.

my new years resolution. is going to be to be who I want in the world...and not afraid of hurting anyone elses feelings by compromising myself. I am all I have in this world. If I am not taking care of me...how can I expect others to?

I just really got it today in a situation (that is way to personal to write about on the internet) but I got how upset I was....yet didn't do anything about it....I guess I would rather have myself hurt than to hurt others (although i am not even sure if it would hurt them....I am sure it would give them a whole new appreciation for the woman who is treating herself with pride, respect and adoration).

I can feel my skin shedding....kind of like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon....I am shedding and emerging into something so amazingly beautfiful that the world is going to be stopped in their tracks.